It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He better not be in your backpack
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
