i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
