yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
