My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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