The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
