I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
