was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
