I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
