I puked a lego.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
