College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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