haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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