Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
