its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
