But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
