does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
