We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
