I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
