Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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