i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
