I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
