i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
