I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize