Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am midnight drunk by noon
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
