I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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