I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found puke in my bra..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
