Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sarcasm needs its own font
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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