I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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