Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
