I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
