Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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