I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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