Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
