she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
