i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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