My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
