OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
