Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
