I'm jealous of your bromance
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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