Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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