I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
