Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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