and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
