that's an acceptable place to lick
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
