my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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