He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
