She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
