I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize