my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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