I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize