Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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