Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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