When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
