Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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