I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
