I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
