don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
