That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
