I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize