i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize