Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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