Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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