we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
