i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
