I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
