my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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