Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
