Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
