The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
